Unlucky Salesman

An insect repellent salesman tried to sell his product to a farmer. He said he wasn"t interested because he hadn"t seen any bugs or insects on his farm for years. The salesman indicated he had a wife and four kids and really needed the money. The farmer still didn"t think he needed any insect repellent but he felt sorry for the salesman and said,I"m so sure there aren"t any insects around here, if you"ll strip naked, I"ll tie you to my barnyard fence for the entire night. When morning comes, if you"ve got even one insect bite on you, I"ll buy every can of repellent you"ve got. The salesman was elated and readily agreed to being tied up naked. That night, the farmer tied the naked salesman to the barnyard fence and went to bed. Several times during the night he thought he heard the salesman moaning and groaning. However, when he went out the next morning, the salesman didn"t have even one bite or scratch on him. The farmer asked,What was all that moaning and groaning about last night?That was the worst night of my life, the salesman replied,doesn"t that damn calf have a mother?

Advice for "Kid"

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

Get a three day pass

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?" "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"